Friendship and Relationships

Only 5 more months until the wedding!




In other news, I'm feeling completely distant with almost every single one of my friends (not all of them, you know who you are). I'm starting to wonder if I kid myself when I think that I have [best] friends other than Matt...I always feel like my good friends have other friends that they are closer with??? I guess it kind of feels like we are both the third wheel sometimes. The kind of friends that people only come to when they need us or something or don't have anyone else to do thngs with.

Three years ago it wasn't uncommon for me to see Kell every single weekend. Same with Jamie too. Kellie would come over to do nothing. Back then we didn't care about having something to do. One time Kellie came over and we were perfectly entertained by going and getting apple pie, goofing around, and watching a movie. She used to call me to run errands just so we could have some time to hang out. I was kidding with Matt and Sara a couple of weeks ago that Sara was basically my "date" for a good year or so before Matt moved out too. It seems like I go through phases of being close with one friend and then close to another. I want t be close with a variety of people at ONCE.

Matt and I thought that by now, we'd all be hanging out on a regular basis and that we'd all be equally as good of friends if that makes any sense. It seems that won't ever happen, although there are moments that tend to capture how we thought life would be like Santa Barbara trips and our big get togethers when Ren comes into town. Those are often the highlights of my year! That and when peole come over for holidays. I used to love the 4th of July celebrations we had - one year with the friends here and another year with my friends and family at Grammie's. I hope we have time to enjoy our friends being here for the wedding and that we all get to enjoy ourselves...have group time...girl time....and guy time! :]

If I didn't have Matt, I'd be a complete LONER! Haha

I know I should be thankful that I found such a true love, and I am, but it would be nice to have friends around that we were close with again like how things used to be. I miss having girl time too with some of the girls.

What changed? Why did it change? This isn't all part of "growing up" is it?

Goodnight!

Life

About two weeks ago, Matt and I had been out shopping for some wedding stuff. We had a nice time out and then came home to set some of it up to see what it looked like. Not 2 minutes after we got home, we heard the worst screeching sound you could possibly imagine. Looking immediately at each other, we then heard a large sound - a sound the could only be made by a car hitting something. We got in Matt's truck and drove to the street behind our house where we saw numerous people walking to the corner that faces Gosford Road. A late 1960's sedan had been going north on Gosford and had flown over the median, through 3 lanes of traffic on the southbound side, and flew into a huge shopping center sign. Police and an ambulance arrived at the same time that we saw the wreck. We watched as 2 firefighters approached the vehicle which was so badly damaged that we couldn't tell if it was the front or back of the vehicle that was facing us. They immediately, went over to the two EMTs that were getting the stretcher out of the ambulance. All of the sudden the mood changed from a sense of panic as if there was a life to save to the complete opposite. A hook and ladder fire truck then pulled up. A fire fighter from that truck got out and spoke with another firefighter that had already been on scene, got back into his truck and pulled forward to block any view that any of us had of the scene but not before two of those yellow blankets were pulled and placed over what we could only assume were the remains of a body or bodies. At that point, it hit too close for comfort and Matt and I decided to leave.

That night we watched the news and no mention was made of the horrible accident. I woke up the next morning and checked our newspaper's website to find that a 24 year old had been killed in the accident. I sat there is disbelief, not because I had never seen anything like this happen before. Anyone who went to Stockdale High School understands how life threatening car accidents can be because we lost 3 or more class mates to them, but actually hearing the sound as he died and actually seeing it made it different this time around. The lack of coverage by both the newspaper and the news made me mad. They covered another accident where a motorcyclist had lost his life so much that night and the next day but made little mention of this 24 year old who lost his life. They made it seem like he was less important. The coverage was lacking so much so that I have decided to write our news channel as they have a program called "Keeping Us Accountable" where viewers can write in with thoughts and concerns about the stories that they air.

The next night, I was sitting on the couch as my mom and Matt were in the kitchen. I heard two loud bangs and thought nothing of it as we have two large dogs that live behind us that are always making noise. Mom and Matt didn't hear the first time but the third one was loud enough to actually rattle the windows. They quickly looked at me and saw the windows above me shaking. The helicopter started to circle just like the night before. Watching the news that night hoping to find out more info about the accident from the night before, they started showing pictures of the shopping center sign that was involved but the car was not the car that we had seen. Turns out another car crashed at the same location, taking out the memorial that had been laid for the 24 year old who had passed there the night before, taking out a huge transformer box that had knocked power out across the street, and hit the same sign! This guy was lucky enough to survive.

Turns out that the 24 year old was named Christian and left behind a fiance and daughter not to mention a sister and mother. His life was cut short and I can't help but think of that accident when I pass by the horribly damaged sign and see the marks that his car left on the road as we tried to stop his car. No reports have been made of why his accident occurred.

I have always known that life is never guaranteed. I've seen my fair share of class mates passing away from cancer and car accidents, another class mate and good friend going through a battle with flesh eating bacteria that caused her to be close to death and also caused her to have many operations and amputations done, my grandfather losing his battle with cancer, and Matt's grandmother losing her life as well when we all thought that she would make it.

This thought has been further embedded into my mind - you can never be sure that the next moment of your life will be the same. In a matter of seconds your life can be taken or dramatically changed - not just by health reasons either. Looking back, my life was dramatically changed the night my father decided to leave us, and by several other events. Little did I know then, as an 11 year old, that my life would never be the same. Don't take a moment for granted! Don't assume that you'll have another chance to tell someone that you love them or that you'll have another day to live your life. It doesn't always happen that way so be thankful for what you have, who is in your life, and what you have been able to do!!

On a different note, Matt, Brandon, and I took off to Santa Barbara yesterday to have a day trip and meet with a photographer that we had found. We met with Jessica Lewis who is amazing and booked her! She's adorable and our wedding pictures are going to be AMAZING! We also went to the mission, beach, Stern's Wharf, SB Zoo, and out to eat. We had great weather and it was even better to be out of Bakersfield for a day. :] We are almost 5 months out and have all of our vendors booked!

All of my late start classes have started so it'll be a busy 2 months! Blah!

Everything else is going great!

So with that said, I love you all and hope that your lives are touched and that you are blessed with many many beautiful days!

Jenae